Miscommunication, tips for effective listening

ORDERING:
"You must... "You have to... "You will..."

THREATENING:
"If you don't, then... "You'd better or else..."

PREACHING:
"You should... "You ought... "It's your duty..."

LECTURING:
"Here is why you're wrong... "Do you realize..."

GIVING ANSWERS:
"What I would do is... "It would be best if you..."

JUDGING:
"You are argumentative... lazy... "You'll never change."

EXCUSING:
"It's not so bad... "You'll feel better..."

DIAGNOSING:
"You're just trying to get attention... "What you need is..."

PRYING:
"When? How? What? Where? Who?

LABELING:
"You're being unrealistic... emotional... angry..."

MANIPULATING:
"Don't you think you should..."

ENCOURAGING:
"Can you tell me more?"
CLARIFYING:
"When did this happen?"

SUMMARIZING:
"Let me see if I understand what you just said ..."

ACKNOWLEDGING:
"I can see you are feeling very angry right now."

OPEN QUESTIONING:
"Why?... What would you like to see happen?"

RESPONDING:
"I see it this way ... How do you see it?"

SOLICITING:
"I would like your advice about how we can resolve this."

EMPATHIZING:
"How would you feel if it were you?"

NORMALIZING:
"Many people feel the way you do ..."

APPRECIATING:
"I can appreciate why you feel that way."

REFRAMING:
"I understand that you feel when s/he ."

VALIDATING:
"I appreciate your willingness to be here ..."

"What I hear you saying . . ."

"What I like about that . . ."

"Let me build on that . . ."

"How would you . . ."

"Help me understand . . ."

"What would you like to see happen?"

"Can you say more about that . . ."

"Why is that important to you?"

"That sounds good. What I don't understand is . . ."